hey!
I should be sleeping.
NO! I should be reading!
I have senioritis so bad. Everybody will tell you they have it, but until you are in the last two months of high school, you will never know what senioritis feels like.
Any way. Where do I start? Well, I left off at prom… So there.
1. I don’t regret going because everybody says you should. I actually had a really great time. Though it did remind me that I do really hate high school. I participated in ZERO afterprom festivities. No partying, no afterprom, just my bed, which I didn’t mind. I don’t see the fun in hanging out with my classmates, def not a “good time”. I could have gone for a movie at my house, though I probably would have been asleep before anything happened. Yeah, yeah, this nerd doesn’t find value in high school prom partying.
2. My hair looked hot: pic below.
My date was a friend from debate. I’m not sure how much I want to detail the evening. We took pics, ate dinner, danced until I was so hot I felt like my face was melting off, went home.
I am pretty excited about my best friends prom! No dates, no pressure. Just partying the night away. Yes, that sounds like my kind of night. It’s like when you go with a group of friends nobody expects social norms. You don’t have to buy flowers or all match, because when you go with your friends its fun. I love that.
I’ve been thinking a lot. College is scaring me. I feel like I’m being pushed from my own home. My dad was in the kitchen the other day and joked about turning my room into the computer room when I left, or at least in my mind I made it a joke. He seemed pretty serious. We fight so much about it. And the more he discourages me from going away, the more I don’t want to EVER come back. I know it kills my mom because she knows that’s what I think, but I can’t do it any more. If I had the money to get out faster, I would. I’m not afraid of being on my own, I’m afraid of being alone.
So my relation between prom and a less than caring father is that I’m really going to miss my friends. I don’t mean the people I sit with in class. I’m talking the people who I tell everything to. My debate girls, my best friend kamryn, being even further from my friend Kacey. It’s hard. I feel like I’m staring brand new without even any sort of support system, I mean besides my mom, she’s amazing.
I want to say that its terrible, that I shouldn’t have to worry about any of this. That I should automatically have those people standing behind me ready to catch me if I fall, but I just don’t care anymore. Its like everything makes sense now. My dad hardly ever came to anything of mine growing up. 1 volleyball game. Maybe 2 tennis matches. 2 debate tournaments out of 4 years. 1 banquet, and not even the one that was most important to me. He “didn’t feel good that night”. So I don’t know what I’m expecting now. Change? Well, I can always just imagine… Maybe when I’m 10 hours away, he’ll get it. I sure hope so because I don’t want any of this to happen to my brother.
On the bright side, my graduation party plans are moving ahead… and my dad has shown interest. Tonight he took me to dinner and we discussed options, it was sorta nice.
Okay, now this length is just ridiculous! I have to go read and do my homework!
G’night!
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