Welcome Back.

hey there,

Yes, I know. It has been a while. BUT, debate is over and I may return to my blog. I finished the season up at the state tournament this last weekend, and it was bittersweet. I have definitely gained relationships that I never thought I would. I love my team so much. I literally talk about them wherever I go and I tell everybody (even strangers) about how great they are. I was even considering not going so far away for college because I wanted to stay close to them. On that note, I have decided to attend….

 

KANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY!

I am super excited, but at the same time I can’t believe I am doing this. The main reason I chose KSU is because of their killer speech team (which I have a scholarship for!) and the time I spent there has really had an impact on me, they were great and it just feels like a home away from home. I truly love it!

Again, I just can’t believe I am where I am today. So many things have changed for me in the last year it is crazy. I find myself wanting different things, not wanting others. I’m just stuck in this stage and I am sooo uncomfortable with it. I don’t know what I want, where I’ll be in five years, who I want to be with, what I want for lunch. Never in my life have I ever been so indecisive.

I often think I wish just had somebody to hold me so I could cry… but then I tell myself things will work themselves out and not to worry and that tears aren’t worth it. And then I use this term ‘things’ because I’m not sure what will work itself out. Things is a dirty word. It’s broad, it doesn’t describe anything in particular, it is just not me, and yet I keep using it loosely.  I throw it around like people will know what I’m talking about. But the truth is, I haven’t even come close to knowing what I want.

Last night an old friend asked me what I wanted to do after college, after letting out a deep sigh I replied, “I’ll figure it out, I just don’t know what I love yet” he thought that was an acceptable answer, and to a certain extent I do too. Except there is one thing I do know that I did love, though he never caught it. I’ll leave it at that.

All in all, I return from the nerd abyss slightly better than okay. I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotional and yet so hollow at the same time. Things are going somewhere, and that in the slightest is everything I could ask for, so I’m gonna do it up!

 

My Wonderful Partner: Emma!