Anything I Want!

There is so much new for me these days, but it seems like no matter what I keep clinging to everything old. I’m not sure if its graduation or the internal need to not let anybody down, but its mentally killing me.

I have a love/hate relationship with my job. I once loved my job, I had an amazing boss, amazing co-workers, things were organized, no matter what shit hit the fan we were a team and we did everything together. Now, everything has flipped. My boss left for another job, we aren’t organized, we’re not a team, people throw other people under the bus. It’s a complete mess. Thankfully, I’ve tip-toed around all of the bullshit and have kept my reign on what I handle.

I want to move on to something better, something more beneficial to me but two things keep me from doing so; 1) my age, I swear every other 18 year old on the planet has ruined any chance for me. Honestly I am so capable of more than society lets me do. 2) There are a couple people I just don’t have the heart to let down and quit. They and I both know I am the glue to keeping that place together. Without me there would be complete chaos. So do I stick it out for two more months or do I quit and enjoy a summer of volunteering and writing while building my portfolio/resume? It’s a tough call. I think I can do it all, its all about balance for me. And if work can’t be flexible with me after me being super flexible with them then I’m positive that I’ll quit.

On a positive note, I’ve started my own Mark online boutique. I’ve worn the product for years and because I love it so much I’ve decided that being a representative only makes sense. So check out my boutique, some of my favorites are on the page but definitely check out everything else too, I am in love with the Mark skin products. LOVE!

I also may have the opportunity to write for a local publication. I’ll let you know about it! 

http://karamason.mymarkstore.com/ 

That is a link to my store! Visit often!

Anthem to my upcoming week!

Just a Catch Up

 

People are so dumb, seriously! Like daily it seizes to amaze me how people act… examples:

1. The girl that has hated me since she realized I was like more than her told our class the other day that she could “kick my ass because school was out” ummmm okay? Yeah lets take a real blow at Kara… Grow up. If you’re going to threaten me, I prefer you do it so it actually sounds realistic.

2. Prom number two. I haven’t blogged if forever… but any way. My date to prom one didn’t even acknowledge me at prom two. Clearly, I’m there… with bright red hair, wearing a bright green dress. Not even a hi.

3. This dude claiming judgment day is May 21, 2011 (look up Harold Camping). Like I haven’t heard that one before. I think if they’re going to keep claiming the world is going to end, they could at least tell us how. “There are so many clues in the bible” so I mean really, we should know by now, right?

Other new things in my life:

done with high school

started my job again  

yeah, that’s about it, though there has been a TON of stuff that has gone on since I last wrote so lets see what I remember and I’ll give you my thoughts on it, hmmm:

Osama’s death: Victory for America! This truly gave me a deep sense of pride, we as a nation desperately needed this. It was way overdue. I wish I could have been in DC or New York at the time because the celebrations looked insane. That’s how my heart felt.

The Voice: AMAZING new show, just amazing! I’m team Cee Lo all the way people. He is just so freakin’ cool. If I could chose a dude to be for one day it would be him, no lie! Team Adam is extremely attractive (okay, its just Adam) but I’m definitely done with Team Shelton and Christina is lookin’ up.

Orientation: Kansas State Orientation is scheduled, whooo hooo! My journey to becoming a Wildcat is starting!

Donald Trump and Politics: Saying running for President is not a publicity stunt and then announcing that you won’t be running at an NBC event pretty much labels the entire candidacy a publicity stunt! My friend on twitter said, “I really wanted him to fire a couple of countries” haha, well I wanted him to fire a couple of top bankers! for real, that man is powerful and I was very interested in what he would have said later on in his bid. 

Picture time!

    

Prin-cess, Yes You Have to Say it With the Hyphen!

Today was rather regular, except for everywhere you looked it was ‘royal’.

Prince William’s marriage to Kate Middleton was marked the “social event of the century” by my Facebook friends. I hardly think it was that big of an event, but nonetheless I found it very exciting. I probably watched more Extra, Inside Edition, and Lifetime programs on the royal wedding than anybody I know. Yet, I could not bring myself to watch the wedding. 2am after a Tylenol PM. I think not.

 

Of course, this wedding is followed by the dream of pretty much every girl in the world to be wed to a prince (Harry, of course!) Have you looked at the rest of the eligible royalty through out the world? Not a lot goin’ on out there. He is adorable. No questions asked, but ever since his Nazi costume day’s I’ve wondered about the boy…

Turns out, not even a swastika could turn me off, which sounds horrible, I know. In May of 2009, Harry flew across the pond to New York City to plant a tree in memory of the lives lost  in the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

New York Times:

He met behind closed doors with other wounded veterans, and afterward, John Loosen, the chief of prosthetics, said the prince spoke of their camaraderie. “He commented on how he felt people who didn’t do what they did don’t understand,” he said.

Even if the trip was to improve his publicity, the efforts were noble from a royal helicopter pilot.

The profession’s of both William and Harry make me love Princess Diana so much more. Especially, compared to Charles. She did such a beautiful job raising them while staying true to being the people’s princess.

Now, I’m not sure how I feel about Kate yet. To me, winning over second in line for the throne in a skanky see-through dress just doesn’t set well with me… but hey, it WAS for charity. And I hope she is inspired by the work Diana did and follows in her footsteps. We all know she can do better than an accessory buyer for Jigsaw! But I don’t think people should expect her work to be better than Princess Diana, because she was the original people’s princess and was so very classic and peaceful in her own way.

Collectively, I have concluded that this event was huge, but maybe not the biggest of our century. There is something about those Brits, though.

 

Oh… and if Prince Harry has a thing for fellow redheads…

he should know I’m available

Senioritis; it’s gettin' SERIOUS!

hey!

I should be sleeping.

NO! I should be reading!

I have senioritis so bad. Everybody will tell you they have it, but until you are in the last two months of high school, you will never know what senioritis feels like.

Any way. Where do I start? Well, I left off at prom… So there.

1. I don’t regret going because everybody says you should. I actually had a really great time. Though it did remind me that I do really hate high school. I participated in ZERO afterprom festivities. No partying, no afterprom, just my bed, which I didn’t mind. I don’t see the fun in hanging out with my classmates, def not a “good time”. I could have gone for a movie at my house, though I probably would have been asleep before anything happened. Yeah, yeah, this nerd doesn’t find value in high school prom partying.

2. My hair looked hot: pic below.

My date was a friend from debate. I’m not sure how much I want to detail the evening. We took pics, ate dinner, danced until I was so hot I felt like my face was melting off, went home.

I am pretty excited about my best friends prom! No dates, no pressure. Just partying the night away. Yes, that sounds like my kind of night. It’s like when you go with a group of friends nobody expects social norms. You don’t have to buy flowers or all match, because when you go with your friends its fun. I love that.

 

I’ve been thinking a lot. College is scaring me. I feel like I’m being pushed from my own home. My dad was in the kitchen the other day and joked about turning my room into the computer room when I left, or at least in my mind I made it a joke. He seemed pretty serious. We fight so much about it. And the more he discourages me from going away, the more I don’t want to EVER come back. I know it kills my mom because she knows that’s what I think, but I can’t do it any more. If I had the money to get out faster, I would. I’m not afraid of being on my own, I’m afraid of being alone.

 

So my relation between prom and a less than caring father is that I’m really going to miss my friends. I don’t mean the people I sit with in class. I’m talking the people who I tell everything to. My debate girls, my best friend kamryn, being even further from my friend Kacey. It’s hard. I feel like I’m staring brand new without even any sort of support system, I mean besides my mom, she’s amazing.

I want to say that its terrible, that I shouldn’t have to worry about any of this. That I should automatically have those people standing behind me ready to catch me if I fall, but I just don’t care anymore. Its like everything makes sense now. My dad hardly ever came to anything of mine growing up. 1 volleyball game. Maybe 2 tennis matches. 2 debate tournaments out of 4 years. 1 banquet, and not even the one that was most important to me. He “didn’t feel good that night”. So I don’t know what I’m expecting now. Change? Well, I can always just imagine… Maybe when I’m 10 hours away, he’ll get it. I sure hope so because I don’t want any of this to happen to my brother.

 

On the bright side, my graduation party plans are moving ahead… and my dad has shown interest. Tonight he took me to dinner and we discussed options, it was sorta nice.

Okay, now this length is just ridiculous! I have to go read and do my homework!

G’night!

Here’s to another backward HS drama.

Its 12:19 am. Which means its officially April 1st. Which also means today is prom.

And my emotions are mixed on this particular subject.

People have told me to go to prom because if I miss my senior prom I will regret it… So, what do I do? Well of course, I get a date and make plans. I was thinking about this today and why am I doing this?

Sadly enough, I’m doing this because its socially acceptable. People don’t want to have regrets, it’s the simple truth. So, when you hear other people’s regrets you don’t let yourself make the same mistake. I dislike regrets as much as the next person so of course I’m going to prom. But now I’m thinking what if I regret going? I’d only regret going because I knew I was going so I wouldn’t regret it. Make sense?

 

OR am I just thinking too much about it?

 

Nah, I’m pretty sure I’m thinking too much about it. I’ve had two dreams about what could go wrong with prom neither of which are realistic situations assuming my date isn’t a cannibal and our restaurant doesn’t serve dog.  

 

The truth is social standards make me so mad! I don’t want to be part of them yet they are impossible to escape especially at my age in my environment.

Really, I think too hard. And I have ADD because I started this blog like an hour ago and have taken several detours, facebook stops, and youtube breaks for the sake of not having to think about prom!

I’ll update you guys tomorrow. maybe. night

I <3 Sunburn?!?

There is something completely enjoyable about a sunburn. No, really. They remind me of being care-fee. Today I got the first sunburn I’ve had in a very long time… and it feels good! Think about, was there ever a time where you got a sunburn and didn’t have a good time getting it? Swimming, vacationing, hiking, all worth the semi permanent sun damage.

My brother and I took the four wheelers out today, and mind you it was my first time. I am the cautious one and he has had like a billion trips to the ER. Interesting combo, we make. He’s flying off of jumps and I’m like yelling “brother, this is scary, go slower, I don’t like going down steep hills!” but it was fun, I loved it!

My parents are funny, its like they don’t believe I like enjoyable things. My interests include the news, debating, reading, coffee dates (according to my family). So whenever anything concerning adrenaline and/or risk catches my attentions my house freaks out a little bit. But I like to keep them on there toes, they never know what is around the corner for me. I have to outdo myself every time, so any ideas… hit me up.

But tonight as I sit with my eyes still stinging from all of the dirt that managed to get around my extra large lensed sunglasses and shiny pink face, I think about all of the times where I should have taken a risk. Some of these times I did came too late, but that is just Kara. Always maybe a little too cautious. I do think the world does need a few Kara’s though. If everybody operated like my brother, we would have a huge mess on our hands.

Safe is good, safe in comfortable. I haven’t a problem with safe, but that feeling of your heart picking up pace and blood thickening, the pressure. It’s some times needed!

Welcome Back.

hey there,

Yes, I know. It has been a while. BUT, debate is over and I may return to my blog. I finished the season up at the state tournament this last weekend, and it was bittersweet. I have definitely gained relationships that I never thought I would. I love my team so much. I literally talk about them wherever I go and I tell everybody (even strangers) about how great they are. I was even considering not going so far away for college because I wanted to stay close to them. On that note, I have decided to attend….

 

KANSAS STATE UNIVERSITY!

I am super excited, but at the same time I can’t believe I am doing this. The main reason I chose KSU is because of their killer speech team (which I have a scholarship for!) and the time I spent there has really had an impact on me, they were great and it just feels like a home away from home. I truly love it!

Again, I just can’t believe I am where I am today. So many things have changed for me in the last year it is crazy. I find myself wanting different things, not wanting others. I’m just stuck in this stage and I am sooo uncomfortable with it. I don’t know what I want, where I’ll be in five years, who I want to be with, what I want for lunch. Never in my life have I ever been so indecisive.

I often think I wish just had somebody to hold me so I could cry… but then I tell myself things will work themselves out and not to worry and that tears aren’t worth it. And then I use this term ‘things’ because I’m not sure what will work itself out. Things is a dirty word. It’s broad, it doesn’t describe anything in particular, it is just not me, and yet I keep using it loosely.  I throw it around like people will know what I’m talking about. But the truth is, I haven’t even come close to knowing what I want.

Last night an old friend asked me what I wanted to do after college, after letting out a deep sigh I replied, “I’ll figure it out, I just don’t know what I love yet” he thought that was an acceptable answer, and to a certain extent I do too. Except there is one thing I do know that I did love, though he never caught it. I’ll leave it at that.

All in all, I return from the nerd abyss slightly better than okay. I don’t think I’ve ever been this emotional and yet so hollow at the same time. Things are going somewhere, and that in the slightest is everything I could ask for, so I’m gonna do it up!

 

My Wonderful Partner: Emma!